When cancer comes knocking and it's for you this time?
In the early Summer of this year, I learned that a mole I had on my right leg was, in fact, melanoma.
Melanoma is skin cancer; as a matter of fact - it's the most serious type of skin cancer.
My reason for sharing this with you all is that cancer and I have a history that isn't good.
My mother died from breast cancer when I was 16.
My first husband died of colon cancer when I was 24 (and pregnant!)
Those who know me understand that I am an incredibly pragmatic person - most times I can approach things in a very calm, grounded, and practical way. Friends and people I know come to ME when they need strength and comfort.
Not this time - just as kryptonite impacted Superman, cancer had already taken so much and so many from me that learning it had come for me was terrifying. My life was put on hold and I was stuck in a moment; I cried - I was stunned.
As much as I want to tell you all that I have handled this well, that's not true. Not only have I had to fight this disease, this experience has forced me to look inside and deal with the trauma from my past and there have been days where I just can't and don't want to deal...
...I have my moments and then I pick myself back up and move forward. It hasn't been easy.
In July, I had the melanoma removed as well as a sentinel lymph node biopsy done so they could check if there had been any spread. Out of the 2 lymph nodes they removed, one had 'trace' amounts of abnormal cancer cells (almost unmeasurable, but there).
My diagnosis is Stage 3a Melanoma. No chemo is needed - we are in an active surveillance plan.
As we move forward with this, I'm scared but I cannot dwell on things I cannot control.
Not every day is going to be great for me - I am haunted by my past and it's going to be in the back of my mind for the years to come.
I'll continue to eat well, exercise, and do all of the things that I have done, and will do what is asked of me to keep myself healthy and around for the long term.
The one thing we all know is this - I am a survivor and not a victim!
Update: Since I started to write this blog update earlier this week, my first round of post-cancer surgery scans have come back good - I am on 'active surveillance' which means scans every 4 months for the next 2 years and then every 6 months for 3 years. Additionally, I have to see a dermatologist every 4 months for skin checks as well, but I'll happily do all of this...to stay healthy and around for my husband, daughter, family, and friends for a long time.
Thanks to everyone for the support.
p.s. Fuck you cancer.
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