Reflections on my mom...not too sappy don't worry!
My mother has been gone for a long time; most that know me remember my mom very well and miss her dearly. She passed away when I was sixteen (16) years old after a long battle with cancer. Some days I need only look to my own daughter to be reminded of how old I was....she is now the same age I was when I lost her.
Growing up in my family was not easy for me. Don't worry, this won't be a rant about how horrible things were - because they weren't always that way. No, growing up as the only daughter in a house full of boys wasn't easy, but as an adult with my own daughter I realize it wasn't easy for a reason. My mother kept a fairly tight grip on the things that I did, the people I was able to hang out with and the what/where I was at pretty much any given moment. While it seemed that my brothers could do as they pleased with little to no oversight, I was set to abide by a different set of rules.
As a teenage girl, it seemed unfair. What I didn't realize, however, was that my mother was trying to give me enough of a foundation to help me finish the job after she left this world and to build me into the woman I am today after she was gone.
My mom was sick for most of the years of my life that I can vividly remember; most of it I don't remember or I have blocked it to protect myself, which is ok too. That part is kind of sad for me, but I've made peace with it. The day she passed away we went to the hospital; the days that passed after, the wake, funeral and all that happened after I don't have a clear memory of....again, the mind protecting me I suppose.
The wheels fell off the bus after she passed; and while I could fill pages and pages of all of the things that went wrong, those that know my family know exactly what I mean. While I was left to figure out who I was in this family and where I headed; fortunately for me I had that foundation she helped me build and I finished high school, went on to college and well, I came out ok so far and I'm doing fine :)
"....once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.... "
These days, I don't really get sad when I think about losing my mom; in some kind of romantic way I believe she had to go in order to be at peace and to continue to keep an eye on all of us above.
My relationship with my daughter Abbey is a tribute to the relationship that I would have had with my mom - we never quite got to the place where Abbey and I are now....and it's nice.
Would my mom and I be friends on Facebook? Would she play Farmville with Nancy?
On that note....Happy Mother's Day folks....enjoy.
H.
Growing up in my family was not easy for me. Don't worry, this won't be a rant about how horrible things were - because they weren't always that way. No, growing up as the only daughter in a house full of boys wasn't easy, but as an adult with my own daughter I realize it wasn't easy for a reason. My mother kept a fairly tight grip on the things that I did, the people I was able to hang out with and the what/where I was at pretty much any given moment. While it seemed that my brothers could do as they pleased with little to no oversight, I was set to abide by a different set of rules.
As a teenage girl, it seemed unfair. What I didn't realize, however, was that my mother was trying to give me enough of a foundation to help me finish the job after she left this world and to build me into the woman I am today after she was gone.
My mom was sick for most of the years of my life that I can vividly remember; most of it I don't remember or I have blocked it to protect myself, which is ok too. That part is kind of sad for me, but I've made peace with it. The day she passed away we went to the hospital; the days that passed after, the wake, funeral and all that happened after I don't have a clear memory of....again, the mind protecting me I suppose.
The wheels fell off the bus after she passed; and while I could fill pages and pages of all of the things that went wrong, those that know my family know exactly what I mean. While I was left to figure out who I was in this family and where I headed; fortunately for me I had that foundation she helped me build and I finished high school, went on to college and well, I came out ok so far and I'm doing fine :)
"....once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.... "
These days, I don't really get sad when I think about losing my mom; in some kind of romantic way I believe she had to go in order to be at peace and to continue to keep an eye on all of us above.
My relationship with my daughter Abbey is a tribute to the relationship that I would have had with my mom - we never quite got to the place where Abbey and I are now....and it's nice.
Would my mom and I be friends on Facebook? Would she play Farmville with Nancy?
On that note....Happy Mother's Day folks....enjoy.
H.
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